Hillel or Jesus?

The “Golden Rule” has been most famously stated by two early Rabbis. Hillel said, “That which is hateful to you, do not do it to others.” Jesus said, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Which standard do you follow?

The Jesus standard is harder by far. To do to others what I want them to do to me requires action on my part. It means that if my back aches, I rub yours. If I want good things to come to me, I must give good things to others. If I want others to speak well of me, I must speak well of them.

But sometimes, I just want a back rub or a nice gift or your good opinion of me. I don’t want to work for it. I get tired.

And what if you don’t like back rubs? I rub your back because mine aches, but so far from appreciating it and offering to reciprocate, you pull away. Or, you think I’m trying to manipulate you into rubbing my back – which I just may be. So, even in taking such action, I have to be careful of my attitude.

But, is Hillel’s version much easier? At least it is only refraining from action. I don’t want you to gossip about me, so I don’t gossip about you. I don’t want you to tell me how to live my life, so I don’t tell you how to live yours.

What if your life is dedicated to all-night partying right next door to my house? Especially if my kids are trying to sleep! What if I don’t gossip about you, but you unabashedly talk about me behind my back? Has my restraint gotten me anywhere?

And there is the key to the whole thing; no matter which version you follow, the Golden Rule is about how we treat others. But the purpose  of the Golden Rule is not to get something for ourselves in return, it is to teach us how to treat the divine spark that resides in each and every person around us. For only when we understand how to cherish that part of God that is in other people will we be able to see that part of God that is in ourselves.

What’s Your Biggest Challenge?

Mine comes from the creed I quoted last time

. . .To live in the faith that the whole world is on your side, so long as you are true to the best that is in you.

This is my biggest challenge and yet my greatest joy and easiest task.

When I was growing up Christian, my Nana taught me that God puts the desires of our hearts in there. Want to be a great musician? God gave you that desire. Want to teach? Want to climb Mt. Everest? God gave you those desires, too. Nana said that God gives us heartfelt desires to test us and spur us on to greatness.

I wanted to teach. So, I learned, I didn’t just sleepwalk through school like so many of my classmates did. And I watched the teachers just let them do it. And I vowed that I would only imitate the best teachers I ever had; when I became I teacher, I would push my students to learn. I realized that that wouldn’t make me a popular teacher, but I was willing to sacrifice popularity if it meant that I could really teach.

And I ran up against jaded teenagers, and troubled teenagers, sick children, abused children, neglected children, teenagers having children, and parents who saw me as someone trying to harm their children by holding them to standards of behavior and learning in my classroom.

And I ran into parents who sent me thank you notes, students who went the extra mile for me, kids who wanted to spend time outside of school with me, teachers and colleagues who respected me and administrators who threatened to promote me out of the classroom.

Not every person liked or supported me, not every individual was on my side, but the whole universe breathed sighs of awe when one of my students excelled because I asked him to. The best that was in me was that desire to teach.

Now I’m disabled and physically not up to the job. But, the desire to teach is still the best that is in me. And when I seek out ways to teach still, the whole world is on my side. These days the opportunities to get there are rare, but the universe still breathes sighs of awe when one of my students excels because I ask him to.

And so, I live in faith that the whole world is on my side so long as I am true to the best that is in me.

What Does an Optimist Do?

I found my answer to this question in the following piece of writing by Christian D. Larson. Born in Iowa in 1874, Larson was a popular “new thought” writer in the late 1800s and early 1900s. The work cited here was first published in 1912, and was adopted as the official creed of Optimists International ten years later.

Promise yourself . . .

To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.

To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet.

To make all your friends feel that there is something worthwhile in them.

To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.

To think only of the best, to work only for the best, and to expect only the best.

To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.

To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.

To wear a cheerful expression at all times and give a smile to every living creature you meet.

To give so much time to improving yourself that you have no time left to criticize others.

To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, to strong for fear, too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world, not in loud words, but in great deeds.

To live in the faith that the whole world is on your side, so long as you are true to the best that is in you.

It’s a tall order, I know. I don’t pretend to do it all perfectly, or even to do it all – yet. But, each morning, I get up and promise myself that just for today I will live this creed to the best of my ability. And each day, I expect to do better at it than I did the day before.  It may not be much compared to what there is to do, but it’s my little patch and it’s what I can do. How about you?

Dr. Tiller, Rest in Peace

Dr. George Tiller was violently gunned down this week as he served as an usher at his church. This ending was as full of contrast and contradiction as the regular days of his life.

Dr. Tiller was a devoted family man, grandfather of 10, father of 4 and loving husband of one wife, Jeanne, for decades. Dr. Tiller adopted his baby nephew after his own parents and his brother and sister-in-law were killed in an accident. He was a man who knew the value of family and lived his family values. A long time member of the Lutheran church where he was killed, Dr. Tiller was known as a good Christian to his friends and neighbors.

Yet, many people knew him only as “Tiller the Killer,” a man who had performed over 60,000 abortions.  Dr. Tiller’s clinic was one of only a handful in the United States that would do abortions after the 21st week of pregnancy. His web site advertised late-term abortions available to women who had been told there was something seriously wrong with the fetus, or who had medical risk associated with continuing the pregnancy.

So, who was George Tiller? I submit that he was just an average man. Like your or me, he lived his life in a way that didn’t always stand up to the scrutiny of others. But, like us, he tried to live his life in the best way he knew how. Dr. Tiller had expected to start a dermatology practice until his father was killed. When that happened, he took over his father’s family practice. Dr. Jack Tiller had provided abortions to his female patients in need, and his son continued to do so.

But, somewhere along the line, providing safe abortion procedures in a clean and sanitary environment staffed with medical professionals became a dedication for Dr. Tiller. Was it the suffering women he saw? Or the patient his father came to know shortly before her death from complications of a botched illegal abortion? Or the idea that every child should be a wanted child? What shifted Dr. Tiller’s devotion?

And devotion it was, despite his clinic being vandalised and even bombed, despite being shot in both arms on a previous occasion, despite death threats and the need for bodyguards, Dr. Tiller kept right on performing abortions. Operation Rescue had a Tiller Watch,  and Bill O’Reilly was vociferous in the extreme about his opposition to and disrespect for George Tiller. At one point, Dr. Tiller abused drugs to help him sleep and wake, he was under great stress and felt alone when the Wichita police would not enforce laws such as the Federal Free Access to Clinic Entrances Act, known as FACE. Yet, he kept on doing abortions.

With Dr. Tiller gone, we will never know why he kept going in the face of such opposition and hostility. And the family that he valued so highly is deprived of their loving husband, father and grandfather.

So, what is a proper response to all of this? Should we rejoice at the assassination of Tiller the Killer? Should we mourn the slaying of a Christian family man?

Dr. Tiller’s portion of heaven’s light and love has left our earth. And for that I truly mourn. I grieve for his family and friends and the patients who felt his caring and warmth. I grieve for the many babies who never saw the light of day and for the women in need who now have one less staunch advocate and are not likely to find a replacement.  And I grieve for the congregation who gathered in a place of peace to worship God and so became witnesses to the violent death of one of their members.

So, what is the proper response of people of faith to this? We should all stand respectfully, should support the family and community in this time of grief, and ask ourselves what makes one average person think he can be judge and jury for another average person. And we should vow that we will abide by the law of the land, not threatening or harassing those we disagree with, but working to change laws that we think are wrong.

Dr. Tiller, I don’t understand your life or your motivations, and now I never will. But I do pray that you will rest in peace in the bosom of your Saviour.

Positive Thinking Doesn’t Work

and optimists accomplish more.  Sound like a contradiction?

These days lots of people want to make the whole universe into one great big “Law of Attraction,” saying that positive thinking and positive intentions will bring all sorts of good things into your life. Just think positive and the good things will manifest before you. That’s just hogwash!

If a hungry child thinks positively, will that feed her? If her father thinks positively, will that secure him a job? If those who are losing their homes to foreclosure think positively, will that keep the bank from evicting them? Of course the answer is no in every case.

But, if that hungry child doesn’t expect to be fed, does that make it any easier to be hungry? If her father doesn’t expect to find a job, will that sharpen his attention and keep him on the look out for opportunity? If those who are losing their homes know that there is nothing to be done about it, will they be able to find the one program that may help them? Again, the answer is no in every case.

Positive thinking doesn’t work. But, optimists expect things to get better than they are. Such an optimistic hungry child grew up to found a food pantry in a small community in Northern California, feeding people in need as she had once been. Her optimistic father contracted himself as a bookkeeper for small businesses and got so many clients that he had to hire a staff to keep up with the work. An optimist I know may still lose her house, but hasn’t done so yet – and the bank was threatening eviction 9 months ago. She has kept her head up and kept making what payments she could and trying all avenues to keep her home. She may just make it.

Positive Thinking and the Law of Attraction are fine if you are doing well. But, if you’re not, they’re just another way to blame the victim. “You’re not thinking good/positive thoughts,” or “You’re not desiring/focusing on good things coming into your life.” We know this because if you were doing it right, you’d have everything you want. Again, hogwash!

God is not a vending machine: put in the right thoughts/intentions/faith/beliefs/behaviors and get out what you want. The universe does not work that way. If it did, we’d all be automatons, doing what’s required to get what we want.

But, if you’re not looking up, looking around, you don’t see opportunities or glorious gifts all around you. For instance, I literally looked up recently to see a rainbow shining bright in a dark gray sky. That rainbow made my day. And I would have missed it if I hadn’t looked up. Metaphorically, I am looking up as well.

It is easy to get trapped into thinking that misfortune will follow upon misfortune, that life will never be fair, things will never change, etc. And if we allow ourselves to think that way, then we’re right. Henry Ford, a man of egregious politics and conduct, nevertheless said some very astute things. One of them is this quote, “If you think you can do a thing or you think you can’t, you are right.”

Optimists get more done because they expect to get things done. Optimists expect things to go right, to get better, and they often do. But, not because the optimists think positive. No, those optimists are looking around, looking up, looking for ways to get started making things better and making good things happen. And when they find those ways, they pitch right in and get started working.

It’s the working at whatever comes to hand and mind and heart to do that makes the difference. And being optimistic is what helps a person to notice what has come to hand and mind and heart to do.

There is a “Law of Attraction.” But, it does not make the universe one great vending machine. Rather, it makes us better at spotting what’s been all around us from the very beginning. And we can only use the law of attraction when our eyes have been fitted with the corrective lenses of optimism.

So, what does an optimist do? More next time.

Harmonic Wealth

I have not yet made lots of money with my new ideas. But I have started a Small Business Women’s Mastermind Group at a local coffeehouse. And I have this blog and one other. I am on a team of individuals who market a company that makes environmentally friendly products – ranging from cosmetics and bath products to household cleaners. I am part of an international mastermind group that meets via teleconference once a week.

Outside of the business sphere, I continue to attend and participate in my own synagogue and my partner’s church. I volunteer at the local food bank, and donate my design services as well. We have a Saturday morning Torah Study and, of course, the Blessingcasters web site (www.blessingcasters.org). I am in Physical Therapy for my disability, and faithfully do my exercises each day.

All in all, I possess harmonic wealth, no matter what the flow of money in my life. My family are financially better off than I, for which thank God! They are all in good health and living full lives. I am safe, warm and dry; fed moderately well and able to access the thoughts of fiction and non-fiction authors freely through my local library. My partner and I are enjoying our time together, and still find plenty to talk about after 25 years.

And this brings us full circle on this topic. My life is like that jazz combo, with the financial lead guitar about to take center stage. Meanwhile, the spiritual bass, the mental lead singer, the relational piano and the physical drums continue their parts. Perhaps I’ve got a drums and guitar duet going now. Either way, the music is good and life sends continuous abundance to me both for me and for others.

My intention remains the same: to leave this world a better place than I found it. May it be so.

Intention

So, now, if I can’t fail whether or not my endeavors fail, what do I do? Where do I start?

Remember, I told you about my idea for a business in a previous blog post. To take valuable information from various sources, synthesize it and package it in imminently useful workbooks that I can sell. I am hard at work on creating those very items. I’ll make a big announcement here when the web site goes live.

How do I know that my idea is a good one? How do I know that I can sustain the passion needed to make a go of this business?

In answer to the first question, I did my research. I looked at the markets out there, found a group of people with a problem and created a solution. Small business people are stretched so thin doing everything that needs doing in their businesses, that they generally don’t have time for theory, even if it would interest them. They need to be able to do more and better in less time. My solution gives them that ability. Will they pay? If the price is right, they’ll buy from me once. IF the quality is high enough, they’ll buy again and again.

But, the second question is more important than the first. And here’s how this business and the intentions behind it became a Blessingcasters’ Blog theme. My personal intention is to leave the world a better place than I found it. That’s a pretty big intention, and I could let it overwhelm me if I chose to.

Instead, I break it down to what I can really do. I can’t feed to world. But I can volunteer at my local food bank. I can’t create fiscal equality, but I can help people in business for themselves do the business part better and earn more by doing what they love. I can’t save the environment, but I can clean up my little bit of it. In short, if I think locally and act locally, and participate in the global discussion, I can leave the world a little better than I found it.

So, in thinking of how to move forward both physically and financially, I went back to my basic intention. Not for me a get-rich-quick idea. Nor a “turn-key money machine” system selling the right to sell the right to use it. Nothing that would make money but violate others in doing so. I had to think of how to make the world a better place first. Then I could consider how to make money while doing that.

The odd thing about this is that crafting a business from my deepest intention turns out to be exciting and fun! I get up each day and look forward to what I will learn, how I will grow, what I can accomplish. Some days, I write and work at my computer. Some days, I have to focus on caring for my disabled leg and am limited to reading or listening to training tapes. Still other days, I am unable to work at all and must rest and recuperate.  My pace is not as fast as I’d like, but there’s always another day to keep on going.

I love reading and learning and stitching together ideas from two or more people. I get all excited to send out emails to a new list. I track my statistics and work on improving my numbers. Not for the sake of the numbers, but because higher numbers mean that more people know about what I offer. More people can benefit from my work and make my corner of the world better.

And, I’m getting to know other business and marketing coaches better now. If I can’t take on a client, I know who to refer them to. If they have a client whose needs are better filled by me, they know they can refer them and count on the quality of my services. We are serving each other as well as ourselves.

I don’t know exactly where this will take me. I don’t know whether the business will ultimately succeed or whether it has only a short life span ahead. But, I know that I can not fail and that the risk is worth taking because it comes from my Intention.

Practical Failure Proofing

In my last post, I said, As long as I am alive and making an effort each day, I have not failed. This is most likely a radical thought for you as it was for me.

After all, I have bills to pay, obligations to fulfill, a life to support. So, how can I say that a failed business is not my failure? If my business fails, my family loses, my bills don’t get paid, my obligations are not fulfilled.

But, while all of this is true, a failed business is not the same as my failure. I can learn from the failed business and the experience of creating and running it. And those lessons are invaluable.

For example, I did have a business in the late 80s and early 90s. With a partner, I founded a non-profit clinic for the treatment of eating disorders and for research projects on eating (both normal and disordered) and body image. We studied and tried many different theories and methods of treatment, finally settling on cognitive-behavioral therapy. We created a program of our own based on what we saw as missing from other programs and what worked best in other clinics.

When we decided to go non-profit, my partner and I hired an expert to help us with the incorporation. It cost us a pretty penny that we didn’t really have at the time, but we knew it would be worth it to do things right the first time. Incorporating required that we have a board of directors, none of whom were responsible for the day to day operations. That was our first problem. We needed five people. It took us 8 months of calls to and meetings with everyone we knew, and lots of people we’d never met before, to get those five people.

Once we got them, and filed the paperwork, we were inspected by the state. No problem there. We were solid on record keeping, followed our bylaws, and ran a ship shape operation.

Our next problem was fund raising. We were as green as green could be. But, we took ourselves down to the local Volunteer Foundation and did some tall studying. And we began applying what all the coaches and seminar leaders there recommended.

To make a long story as short as possible, our board of directors never really caught the vision, we didn’t get the big grants, and our clients were mostly at the end of their mental health insurance benefits and required very low fees. We wrote articles that were published in respected journals and newsletters, we gave seminars and trainings for teams of professionals. In the end, the clinic had an excellent reputation with practitioners and clients world wide (many of the top experts are in England and France), but there was not enough money coming in to support the business. We closed our doors just 5-1/2 years after we opened them.

So, what did I learn?

First, if I’m going to bring someone else in on my ventures in life or in business, they have to catch the vision. If they can’t get excited by the idea, by what the business does, they can’t participate.  See, if they’re excited to work with me, or to make money, they’ll only work on that basis. But, if they’re excited to do the work or to make a difference, they’ll give a much better quality performance and make a stronger effort.

Second, quality means that customers/clients/patients will come. They’ll come whether you charge outrageous fees or small ones. Because they want what you offer. So, charge what you need to keep the doors open and the business growing.

Third, offer high value and build both reputation and referrals. Give away some things for free. Sell some at a lower price, sell some at a higher price. And always over-deliver. The customer should walk away thinking s/he got “a steal” no matter what they paid.

Fourth, know when to stop walking down the road you’re on and go another way. I walked away with a little money to my name, lots of bills to pay off, and the ability to get a job and do so. If I’d kept going, I’d have been bankrupted.

Did I fail? No way! With my partner,  I kept that non-profit going for 5-1/2 years against the odds. We helped hundreds of clients and trained dozens of professionals. The treatment model we pioneered is still in use in clinics around the world today.

Did the business fail? And how. No funding, no support from the board of directors, no government grants, not enough client fees to keep going.

Was it a bad idea? No. An idea that we didn’t know how to sustain and grow, yes. An idea that would have done better in another place, probably. An idea whose time had not yet come, but which continues to grow now without us.

This is the key to being failure proof on a practical basis. Know the risks going in, know when to get out, have a back up plan that includes working for someone else if needed. Debts can be paid. Finances can be rebuilt. New work can be found. Life goes on.

The only way I can fail is to not try. That’s the only way you can fail, too.

Many Ways to Succeed, Only One Way to Fail

So, what makes me think that I can not fail? Simply this: As long as I am alive and making an effort each day, I have not failed.

Now, that may sound like a cop out, a watering down of the standards, to some people. I used to be one of those people. In fact, I am a professional teacher, so I know all about standards and watering down or maintaining them. Please, hear me out on this topic before you comment.

In my high school classroom, I posted my grading scale for all the students to see. If they wanted an “A” grade from me, they scored 92% or more of the points I assigned to homework, quizzes and tests. Extra credit points, no matter how many you had, could only raise you from a grade of “x+” or “x-” to the next half  step. A notebook, containing daily class notes and all homework, was required at the end of each semester. It had to be organized my way to get the full points.

Coaches would come to me during their seasons and ask me to “ease up on the athletes” because they spent so much time at practice. I did no such thing. There were excuses about how much other homework a student had, s/he had to work a part-time job after school and on weekends, s/he had to take care of brothers and sisters at home, and on and on. None of them held any water with me.

In my adult education classroom, the standards were also high, but since there were no grades to be given out, the standards were different. After the first class session, students in a beginning class could ask questions in English, but the answers were given in Spanish. In an intermediate class, they had to ask in Spanish as well. There were no pencils/pens or paper allowed during the first hour of class – no notetaking for an hour! And if anyone wrote new Spanish vocabulary down with an English equivalent, I confiscated the paper.

Again, people came up with all sorts of reasons that they couldn’t learn that way. “I’m a visual learner,” “I’ll never remember everything we covered, my head is too full with things for work,” and so on. None of them held any water with me either.

Why the different standards? Because, I was working with different groups. Ostensibly, I was teaching the same thing to both groups – Spanish. But, the real teaching was not the subject matter in either classroom.

My high schoolers needed to learn discipline and study skills. My organization and high grading scale meant that they had to work to learn practical methods for studying and useful ways of organizing information so they could get at it later. Their natural inclination was to chatter with one another and show off their new knowledge. I gave them extra credit points for following this inclination. I created activities that encouraged them to talk in the classroom, provided they spoke Spanish.

My adults needed to learn risk taking and to remember how to “work without a net.” By not allowing them to take notes during the main portion of the class, I required them to take more risks in class and allowed them to enjoy the greater payoffs of success without notes. By divorcing Spanish from English, forcing them not to translate ideas, I helped them learn to think in Spanish. Instead of holding an image of a chair in their minds with the word “chair” attached to it, and the word “silla” attached to “chair,” they attached both words directly to the image.

Both groups of my Spanish students did something remarkable when given the chance. Beginning students spoke Spanish to people in the community! When was the last time you attempted to converse with someone whose language you don’t really speak? My students did so almost every time they met someone who spoke Spanish.  I heard this from those Spanish speakers, not just from my students.  One man said, “I always know when it’s one of your students in my store. They speak Spanish and they try to describe things if they don’t know the right word. I can’t get them to use English with me.”

That is one of the most remarkable testimonials I’ve ever had, and I am deeply honored by such wonderful students. The ones who continued to study,  and desired to do so, became fluent Spanish speakers. About 2 in 25 of my students did this. As opposed to the average of 1 in 50-75.

My new take on failure and success comes from that adult education experience. I’ve been in school: grammar school, high school, college, graduate school. I know how to organize information and how to study something with an eye toward learning it (not just passing the final exam). But, like those other adults, what I need now is to return to the risk taking and working without a net of my youth.

So, if I define failure as something that I can not do, I create the conditions for myself to take risks and try new things. If the business fails, I learn from it. I can take lessons for the next try – what didn’t work and what did. If the business succeeds, I learn from it. I take lessons for the next try and for the next stage of this business – what works, why, and how I can make it better. Working without a net becomes a whole lot less scary and more exciting.

As an adult, I would not climb a tree, shin out on a limb and step over onto the roof of my house. As a child, I did it almost daily. If I think about it and bring up the image of myself doing that, I begin to feel the exhilaration and the sense of power it gave me. The danger is the same in both cases. But, while the adult focuses on that, the child finds it irrelevant.

I have decided to find it irrelevant, too. More on the practical implications of that next time.

What Would You Do . . .

if you knew you could not fail? I’ve heard this question at seminars, in classrooms, from trainers, and in books for years. Generally, my response has been anywhere from ignoring the question to scoffing, “Me? Could not fail? Right.” But, lately, I’ve been considering it seriously.

If I knew I could not fail, I would:

1)Create a company to serve someone in some important capacity so that they can have a better life – whatever their own definition of better life is.

2)Take some of the money and set up a fund for myself to give away whenever I see or hear about a need.

3)Increase the amount of money in my fund each year.

4)Gift my kids and sister with a new financial start. Pay off their houses and cars for them, remodel and/or replace appliances and windows to make their homes greener, cleaner and cheaper to run.

5)Set up trusts for the youngsters in my life.

6)Start another company to help other people in some other critical way so that they can have a better life.

7)Do it all over again.

What would you do if you knew you could not fail?